A mother longs to sleep

 Dreams of an angel while he sleeps.  The images that cross the

caverns of his mind must be filled with delights of lights and love and memories of heaven where he came from. His mother wonders why he can sleep through an atomic bomb during the day but a cricket's chrip will awake him at night? How is that possible she asks me? Laugh I do at the memory of thinking the very same thing about her when she would sleep all day in blissful peace and keep me awake when darkness came.

This love of an angel ... so sweet in his dreams ...  Boodles grandma loves you

~~ Love bye

The feeling of young love

Everyone says that when you are young that you really don't understand the true meaning of what love really is.  Why is that so?  Who makes the rules on that one?  I know those who are grown adults who haven't the slightest inkling of what true love is let alone love period.  So who is to say that when my daughter tells me she is "in love" that she really isn't.  I am not going to tell her that she is too young to know what she is feeling or that it may pass in a few months.  That wonderful feeling that you are loved unconditionally by someone and the thought of that person makes your heart feel as tho it could reach the highest peak of Mt. Everest!

Nay I say to the unbelievers that young love is not real...not joyous...not euphoric.

My daughter knows her heart. Oh yes, she knows who she is, even if sometimes she gets caught up in the trappings of outside influences that momentarily cause her to be untrue to her soul .  Mistakes, she's most certainly going to make them ... Why she most certainly will.  For who of us have not?  I am 50 and I make them still.  Who of us have not when it comes to the matters of the heart.  Will her heart be broken into a thousand million pieces?  Realistically it will and that is when I will take her in my arms and hold her while she cries and try to mend her broken heart.  I pray that this will never happen but I cannot stop what is nature.  Will she be lucky in love... I am not sure.. but in this moment of time she is..they are...look into their eyes and see them...I will not rob her of what ever happiness she finds, because some of the time ..but not always...young love lasts forever....and her smile and joy at this moment makes her mother happy... because her smile is more brilliant than the aurora borealis... So be joyful my sweet angel with your young love and know that life is as glorious as you feel right now..capture these memories in your heart..these moments that you will treasure forever because there really is nothing like ~~ your first true love~~~~

love bye~~~

Everett Comes To See Us

What joys and blessings are family has had this year!!
Another beautiful baby has come to live and brighten our world!
Everett James Beazer the son of my daughter Katherine and son in law Shelby.
The day began with excitement on the Monday.  I was in Preston visiting with TJ, Lindsay and our Kirtlynn
for the weekend.  The morning was crisp and cold like fall was rapidly approaching.
The clouds low and misty, hovering over the mountains like a pristine highland morning.
The mountain caps dusted with the first snow of the year.  Yes it was August, but this was Everett's arrival day and he was letting the world know that he would be the ruler of these mountains!
As I drove through Sardine canyon from Logan to Ogden the smell of the storm filled my breath.

So began the wait... the pain....my beautiful daughter so strong so brave...so amazing...she was truly a much

stronger woman than I would ever be.  I was so proud to watch her conquer the contractions that were

strong and quick and so hard with totally control. She braved through until she could no longer.

After hours of not much progression the decsion was made to deliver Everett by c-section.

Within minutes our beautiful baby boy was here with a strong set of lungs!

What a beautiful picture...a snow globe moment for us all!

Everyone was safe and well and happy beyond measure.

This is my angel... my daughter..my joy...a girl who once curled in my lap snuggled deep in my arms, now a mother of her own with her angel snuggled deep in her arms.  Life is a measure of circles..a circle of love...

Welcome Everett James.. you are grandmas Boodle... I love you more than you will ever know .. I am always here for you---unconditionally---

~love bye

The Arrival of a Princess

The moment that we have been awaiting has come to pass.  Our beautiful and amazing princess Kirtlynn Ivy blessed us this morning.  Our sweet Lindsay was in labor for a very long time. 

Her strength and beauty throughout the event was indeed  remarkable, although not surprising from Lindsay-our Queen of the day!
My beautiful son so tenderly holds his sweet princess as only a man fit to be a king would. 
I always knew she would be beautiful-- but she is breathtakingly beautiful-- a vision--an angel--

Welcome to our family Kirtlynn Ivy Ross you are a wonder and a joy- your love will fill the universe as you touch the lives of everyone you come in contact with.  Welcome my love--welcome my darling---This is the face of purity of love of innocence----

I am a proud grandma of this sweet beautiful bundle of joy and will spend my life loving her and teaching her

all the amazing things that I know.  I look forward to the times when she and I share in garden parties and dress up-reading books under a shady oak tree-learning about the adventures of Fats Watson and Kristina Katrina and the box or Earl in Earl's too cool for me- her daddy's favorite childhood books.

Welcome Kirtlynn Ivy my wee bunny--grandma's sweet love-welcome

~love bye

It’s time for a catch up-


I have been crazy busy with the move.

I was reflecting last night on how many times I have moved in my 50 years on

earth….ready for this!!! I have moved a grand total of 28 times since I was born.

You would think that at 50years of age I would be settled.

I didn’t imply that I am not stable- I am just not settled. There

is a HUGE difference. Some people say change is good. I say

Too much change is a headache. I actually am really longing for that feeling of being

settled in one place till I leave this world. So let’s be honest with myself, sometimes I do

feel a bit out of sorts. I began to think about all the people who have lived

Throughout history or even the present day that are “transient”. Yes I do

feel sometimes rather like a nomadic tribal member. But then there is

some magnificent benefits to being nomadic. One such benefit is not becoming a

hoarder! I was watching a TV show about Hoarders! WOW!!

Well that I is one blessing when you move around a lot.

YOU pretty much can check that one off the list.!

So check that off my list of things that I need to work on.

Then there is that wonderful “new” relationship feeling. You know when you are first

in a relationship and everything is fun romantic and new…..I think that is what “spring

cleaning” is suppose to accomplish. So here I am again living out of boxes for awhile.

But that is ok because the really important “stuff” in my life---- are right there with me-

My children-

So all in all change is good and life is an amazing adventure-at least mine is

~love bye

The importance of being Theodore

My older brother is named Theodore, I also have a nephew named for him.
One of the fondest memories I have of my brother Ted is when I was I was about 10
We were in the dining room of our house in New Jersey. 
The song My Cherie Amour by Stevie Wondercame on.
 Ted put me on a chair and we DANCED.
 My brothers are very tall, over 6 feet tall
so you can imagine to a girl of about 10 years old how fanciful it must have been. 
I felt like a princess!
 To this day when ever that song comes on the radio I am transported to that moment in time ( yes another one of those snowglobe moments I am so fond of).  I know that Ted is the same.  I had that moment a few minutes ago when that song came on.  I stopped, was totally still and for a few moments I was safe, a little girl twurling and dancing with her big brother. Thank you Stevie Wonder for giving my brother and I a ~wonder~ to cherish all our lives.
To you my dearest brother- I will always be your petite sœur (little sister) and you will always be my Theodore amour.     So in your own famous words your neices and nephews reflect so fondly upon --
"Put it in your diddy bag and STOW IT!!"

~~ Love Bye

Asa manquant (Missing Asa)

Aujourd'hui, je me manque Asa. (Today I am missing Asa) Belle comment il doit être (How beautiful he must be) Aujourd'hui je me manque Asa et vous demandez comment il croît (Today I am missing Asa and wondering how he is growing.) Sisifo à ressentir la douceur de son visage de bébé et à entendre son coos (Longing to feel the softness of his baby face and hear his coos.) Aujourd'hui, je me manque Asa, dont j'adore cher.( Today I am missing Asa, whom I love dearly.)

Amour grande mère (love grandmama)



~Adieu amour (~love bye)

La Maison d'Oui

My dear sweet sister, whom I miss so very much, is no longer here on earth.  She resides in heaven now.  Of that I am sure of.  Her life was filled with much pain and sorry and I dare say a great amount of regret.  Choices that were made in life that at first seemed for the good but turned out not to be, for her.
  But when you look back on the really important aspects of what you gained from those choices -sometimes- more than likely- you will find there lies some of the best things life can offer. 
For my sister those wonderful things in life that came from her darkened past is her legacy.  A legacy richly flavored by three men-men who once were children- who are now amazing men-and their sons.

I call this picture "All the Queen's Horsemen" A title I thought befitting.  This picture is beautiful in more ways than any of you could ever imagine.  Three brothers and their sons-my sister would be so proud of how her sons followed a great path-a better path than I dare say she could have ever dreamt for them.  They are inspirations to me! 
It made me think about life and what is really important.  I realize the truth in the saying by John Alliston "“The only thing you take with you when you're gone is what you leave behind.”  No truer statement is there.  What we leave behind is our legacy, our children our family.

So dear sweet Nola, my beloved sister- for all your sorrows, for all your trials, for all the joys you had...... you truly have left behind the --- la maison d'Oui

la maison d'Oui (the house of yes)

eternally your sister

Adieu amour    ( ~love bye)

blogs

I, like my friend sweet Hailey (who's blog got me blogging) love to read random blogs.  It is so cool to read about other people and how they live their lives, how they love, what makes them sad or the things they fear.  I find that for most of us we are so similar.  We are all people not different species.  Thank you to all those who blog in this world.--to the side you will see the blogs I have begun to follow---


~Love Bye

Remembering when

Our Angela turned 17 the other day.
I was contemplating the day she was born
I remember the night better. 
There were 13 babies born that time and it seemed
there might not be room in the Inn for anymore. 
I was in the room just next to the
nurses station and across from the nursery. 
I could hear the nurses concern about not having
anymore room. 
The fact that mothers were being put in regular rooms on different floors and the worst
fact that there was no more bassinets to place these sweet angels from heaven. 
As I heard their concerns
I thought since I was awake I might as well get my sweet baby. 
Keep in mind that I was across from the
nursery and could hear all the babies. 
I got up open the door walked across the hall and cast my eyes on
a sea of crying babies.
 An ocean of pink and blue bundles wriggling and crying. 
All but one angel who was smack dab in the middle of the rolling ocean of babies. 
There in her sweet little pink blanket was my Angela---
Sound asleep with her wee hands tucked up under her angelic face.
 I stood there and had to chuckle to myself at the sight I was beholding. 
I asked the nurse if I could have her. 
Her reply was simply this-"Mrs. Ross, she's the only one NOT crying!"
I just gave her a gentle look and she brought Angela to me. 
I placed her on my chest and held her the rest of the night. 
She never did wake up until after 6 am.

 So happy birthday to those other 12 bundles from heaven born during that time.  I hope you have been as much a blessing and joy to your mothers as sweet Angela has been to me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUMPKINSEED

-love bye

Kirtlynn's daddy

 This is Kirtlynn's daddy

when he was just weeks old. Now he is grown and about to be in the adventure of his life.  He is my second child and my second son.  He is very much like me in so many ways.  He is the kind of person that has no enemies.  Everybody loves TJ, but then he makes it easy to do so.  I use to call him my stealth child, he would just appear and then disappear, always around but sometimes you never noticed.  He was my quiet child, the never got into much trouble child.  Now he is going to be a daddy and have a child of his very own. 

He will make an amazing father I have no doubt of it because he is an amazing man.  His kind gentle soul will bring wisdom in guiding his children.  His sweet loving nature will bring them comfort in knowing of unconditional love.  His strong beliefs will bring them the assurance that everything he does for them he does with deep love and devotion.  Just as he has been an amazing son-an amazing husband-he will be a father of great magnitude.  I am proud- we are all lucky to have him in our lives.

 This dresser is for Kirtlynn Ivy. Her daddy made it just for her.

These are her parents, two amazing people about to embark on the journey of an eternal life time.

Cherish these moments because they speed by past you all too quickly.  You will be holding Kirtlynn one moment

and the very next she will be having her own baby!

-love bye

A visit

One of the best moments in a mom's life is when her "grown up" children (who have left the nest) come home to visit.  I had such a visit the other day from my Austie.  I love to see him interact with his younger two siblings.  Remembering that as the "middle child" he really does have the best seat in the house.  Although neither of my "middle children" think so.  But I say they do.  They have such freedom.  They sit in a wealthy advantage point. Think about it for a second, then you will agree.

But on to my visit.  I think if I had to say one thing that is my favorite about Austie it would have to be his smile.  I mean this kid has the best smile and laugh EVER!  He always has. And funny -SMACK_SNAPFISH_ he is HILARIOUS. It is always so unexpected too for people who don't know him.  He looks intimidating actually because he is so tall and of large stature.  He reminds me of a giant.  I cannot tell you the times  someone will say something to the affect how funny and sharp witted Austin is and how it surprised them.  How much he made them laugh.  He has that one two punch of comedy like his two sisters.  You those comedians on Who's line is it anyway"? You wonder how do they think those things straight off the top of their heads and wonder if its not really rehearsed.  Well I have three children like that and I can assure you it is not rehearsed.  It is a gift.

I love this man... I cannot call him a boy anymore because he is not.  He is a wonderful man... and I am a lucky mommy.. One of the safest places I feel is when he wraps his arms around me an holds me.  I am safe....  I am happy.....

-love bye

my baby

I woke up the other morning
and you lay near me all cuddled in a blanket
looking very much like you did when you were little
I smiled as I watched you sleep
my mind drifted to those moments in time
that I love so much
the ones that I wish I could capture in a
snow globe and place it on a shelf

you have grown so much
you,who are not so much a boy anymore
you who is growing too fast for me
STOP I want to shout out loud
STOP I SAY! THIS VERY INSTANT
where is my "curly Sue" where is my
Harold B Lee? where has my little man gone
once you bent your head very far back to look
up at me and smile
Now I look you eye to eye, nose to nose
My sweet Harold
you are so amazing to me
so smart and loving
so caring and thoughtful about others
I miss you when you are not around
I miss your laugh, I miss the way you
still love to snuggle bunny with your mommy
I love the way you hold my hand when we are driving around
I hope you never loose that son
I am so lucky to have you be my baby
you will always be my baby.... no matter how
grown up you ever get....
I love you Harold

-love bye

Bunny and Turtle

BUNNY and TURTLE

My flight is booked
to come see you
my bags NOT packed
as I have a month to go
but I am ready to leave
ready to see my sweet children
have their own children
OH GLORIOUS moment in time
I am beside myself with rapture
beside myself with excitement
I ponder so often what you will look like
GORGEOUS of course... but to see you both smile!
What character will you have
what amazing adventures you will experience

as you journey this life's road.
My sweet Kirtlynn, My sweet Everett
to hold you and smell the scent of heaven
still so freshly embedded in you skin
how soft soft and gentle you will feel
how tender will your coos and cries sound
how your grandma will cry for joy
my soul will explode like a
fist full of glitter
I love both so deeply, so deeply
so completely
thank you Kirtlynn
thank you Everett
for choosing us to share your lives with

grandma loves you

-love bye

Today

Today my heart is broken.  I woke this morning from a wonderful dream about my grandson Asa.  He was crawling and smiling and giggling that little boyish baby giggle.  The kind that can melt the polar caps right to a puddle!  He was amazing, is amazing I am sure.  But I don't know.  I haven't seen him since the day of his birth.  I tried, but nothing.  I remember holding him at the hospital room, wanting so desperately to let go and love him beyond the universe.  I kept telling my self to keep it close to my chest not to let go.  I knew.  I knew that would probably be the last or at least one of the few times I would be allowed in his life.  I had to distance myself from him.  Distance myself to protect myself from being crushed, once again.  I was right.  He is over a month old now and I haven't seen him since that morning.  I am not going to get into the why's, truth be told I don't know why.  I don't know what is grueling around in his father's head.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  There aren't many who do understand his behavior. well that isn't necessarily true.  We (his family) do know why he is the way he is, even if it doesn't make sense to any of us. I am frankly tired of trying to find out.  I am exhausted. I cannot fix something if I don't know what is broken.  I am sure to himself  (and those in his inner circle) he has convinced himself of some distorted truth of it all that he is right in his behavior toward his mother.  Maybe he is too far into it to truly remember.  But the bottom line is he wont accept the olive branch I have so repeatedly given.  Someday when he is ready I will be waiting.  I have for my children unconditional love, true unconditional love. It never falters or waivers, it is constant and true.  Unfortunately my oldest son never grasped the concept.  Maybe someday he will but the reality of it that all is that maybe he wont.  But I will love him just the same and as deeply as I ever did.  For now I fade to the memories of his youth those I keep in my heart. I only have for him the love of his mother, the one person on this earth that has always truly loved him unconditionally.  Hoping that when he stands in judgement he has a pretty good reason to give.

But today my heart is broken for Asa and me.....for all that we will miss out with each other....and for that my heart aches and is broken...

I love you eternally son....... and I always will... no matter what

-love bye

To Angela

Angela,

   I know you thought that I read your message this morning when I was snuggle bunnying you hard and telling you how much I adore you.  But now you know I had not read your beautifully amazing blog to me.. but rather that is truly how I feel... so that made you feel even more special and loved because it really is the way I feel all the time for no special reason... THANK YOU for that amazing blog to me... I cried and you know I did cause I am a blubber boob... but I wouldn't be any other way.. and yes all those things you said are true...  I do love that way.... and you know I just might be a vicious a** Kola bear did you ever investigate that?


 I love you more .... and more....and more.................. and more every second of the day

love mom--your one and only mom


-love bye

To Mom

Mom,
           If your reading this its probably 3 am in the morning and your awake because your snoring woke you up. LOL. Anyway while im typing this im also watching you look at the scrapbook you made for one of your six kids and remenicing on the past. I just asked you how to spell the word that starts with an R way back there and we both feel retarded. Your sitting on the couch in the pink blouse you bought 3 days ago and your son, the devil child im forced to call my little brother, just jumped on your lap and you pretended it didnt hurt your sore knee when it really did because you dont want to hurt harolds feelings. I realize why you do all little things you do.... Its because you are a mother with a TRUE love for her children. I've analyzed the crap out of you and have come to the conclusion that you've made some mistakes, but hey, who the heck hasnt?, and you know what? Your a really awesome person and im glad i can call you my lil mama. I was also thinkin about all the dumb stuff your kids have done and how you never once judged or questioned them. You just offered your shoulder and ear and unconditional love and devotion. I love you Laura Louis Rozier. With all my heart. Thank you for being "The Shit". :) 


                                                                            Your ONE and ONLY
                                                                       ----Angela Lauren

I hold these things to be self-evident

We celebrate the freedom and birth of our great nation on the 4th.  How grateful we are for all the countless scarfices that have been made for those of us to stand in oblivion of what it takes to keep us this way.  The freedoms we so too often take for granted, the lives lost, fathers gone, brothers and sisters taken away and mothers who weep for their children who have layed  their lives down so that we as a nation as a people can sleep freely.  I am thankful for their courage, for their love, for their undying passion in what they believe to be the truth..."We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." (Declaration of Independence).  I am honored, I am blessed, I am loved.- Thank you

I hold my family tightly and with ever treasure.  In these times of hate and corruption, distruction of our souls our families are unravling before our eyes.  STAND UP OUR INHABITANTS OF THIS EARTH- behold your family- behold your heritage, remember who you are and where you came from.  I count my many blessings and adore my family.  I am the keeper of their love-

-Love bye

there's a silly girl I know

I know of a silly girl
who runs around with
a smile that chases clouds
she looks at me and
I remember why I live
she laughs and I hear
the sounds of a thousand
flutters from fairy wings

i know a silly girl who's
eyes are so bright that the
rainbow hides in shame
i know a silly girl who's heart
is so big that nothing can
contain it.

I love this silly girl
and if you are lucky to
be apart of her circle
you will see why God
created angel's
because she is one of them.

-Love bye

A Beautiful Mind

Did I ever tell you I was born in France.  Well I was.  My father was in the army and our family was stationed there for several years.  We lived in a small village named Virty le Francois, Marne  where I we lived when I was born. My family also lived in the village of  Ste. Amand-sur-Fion, Marne.  I was amazed when having a conversation with my oldest brother that did he not only remember the name of the village but the actual house number and street name. AMAZING what a beautiful mind. Keep in mind that I am now 50 years.  It just blows my mind that ones memory can be so acute as to retain such information for such an extended period of time.
I, have of course no memories of living there.  Only snap shots from a time long gone by accompanied by the stories told and retold about people places and sights.  I have had in the past few months a seemingly burning desire and need to revisit my birth place.  I find myself shamed (those regrets I so often speak about) for not taking a trip there with my son TJ so many years ago when we had the a more opportune time to do so.  The reason I say TJ is he always has loved France.  He looks most like my side of the family, my mothers side, the Constantine's, to be exact.  They are from the Bordeaux region of France ( in the north) while the Rozier's are from the south region. 

As most of you know I always got o Scotland, my love, my Alba.  My fraternal grandmother's ( Mckinnon)people are from a place called Elgol on the isle of Skye.  My maternal grandmother"s people (McChesney) are from County Cork Ireland.

So that makes a half French half Scotch/Irish-- translated   as I always like to say "That makes me a romantic drunk"!

our minds are beautiful our souls exquisite

-Love bye

another weekend

Well this has been an interesting weekend.  I love weekends as you all know.  This weekend was out of sorts as Thursday last I was in the shower washing my hair -I turned around to rinse- and BAM I heard it pop--my knee-yes I have arthritis and it inflames once a year.  Well it went again. and the pain is like well let me see if I can describe it- its a sharp then dull then sharp then dull never ending pain and ache-- then I know it is about to be over when in a few days the pain moves down my leg until its in all the joints of my toes!!  That is where I am at today!!..  who knew toes could hurt so badly!  I DO that's who!! I had to miss work and spend two days not moving.  Do you realize how difficult that is?  Well it is.  Sounds like fun to just have some R&R but when the pain is there NO WAY.  But then such is life... others have it worse off than I.   I thought I would share my weekend.  It's nice to be actually able to sit and walk.  WOW life is good.

-Love bye

getting to know you

When you  are pregnant you always think of your children as babies, never teenagers, or grown.  Why is that?  You think of them as little babies or toddlers.... is this because we cannot in our minds imagine that we could have people near our age.  As mothers we know our children's likes and dislikes.  From everything to favorite food to favorite color to favorite stuffed animal.  As they grow we stay close to them, but sometimes forget that as we grow our tastes and likes and dislikes change.  I know mine do.  So why not theirs?

The other day I was making a sandwich for my baby Harold (who is no longer even a child he is full fledged teenager). I asked him he wanted ham or chicken (I already knew he wanted cheese after all I have been making his sandwich the same way everyday for 12 years).  He relied "Ham please and some mayo too".  I stopped, crinkled my brow and said in a matter of fact tone " You hate anything on your sandwich.  It has always been meat- cheese and bread only".  To which he replied "I know mommy ,but I like mayo now".  How did this happen and I not notice?  When did this little boy grow up?    

This made begin to think that what I thought I knew about my "babies" is not really what I know of them as teenagers. and adults.  In my mind they are still little, they are still my babies, my toddlers..... my children.
I thought how well do I know their likes and dislikes today as I did long ago.  How did my data base neglect to get updated.  Has their favorite dessert changed I wondered?  Have their favorite colors changed?  I was no longer sure. 
So I decided to set out to reacquaint my self with my children.  Get to know the "little" things about them.  I know all the other things about them, but their little things are changing.  After all it is the little things that make us who we are.
     So this is my goal and project for the weekend.  Getting to know all my children again!  How fun!  How lucky!

-Love bye

Into A Thousand Million Pieces

    Have you ever seen the glass of a car window shatter into a thousand million pieces? How at first it splinters and fans out into a thousand million tiny specks of glass all pieced together like a jig saw puzzle.  Then one gentle tap and all the pieces shatter into a thousand million pieces... what an amazing sight....
have you ever had your heart broken like that window... that shatter into a thousand million pieces....and you wonder how is it physically possible that you could hurt in places you didn't even know existed? You wonder to yourself  how could one person break your heart so intensely that you might never recover?  How is it possible?  How is it possible that you can actually feel your heart breaking into a thousand million pieces? How?
How is it that someone can have so much power over your heart... who knew that a muscle like the heart could ache  with such pain that you wished you could die....

A broken heart doesn't always come from the love that is lost between a man and woman.... broken hearts can cut deeper than that... a child can break your heart deeper than any pain from a lover....


shatter your heart ten thousand million times more......


-Love bye

Weekends

There is something to be said for the weekends----time to accomplish all the things you can't during the working week---OR NOT -------------------------------------This weekend I CHOOSE NOT!!!!!!


There is a certain kind of therapy that one receives by wearing your pajamas all weekend... or for most of the weekend anyway can say the least be well liberating!   I did this very thing at weekend.  I woke at 5.45am and laid in bed thinking of what I really had to do, what I really wanted to do and what I was going to do.  I debated with myself until around 6.00 am ---at which time I got up---- took a shower ----- got dressed,---- did not put any makeup on, put my hair in a very short pony tail and headed out the door-and did not even turn my phone on nor did I take it with me!
  I went garage saling and had a blast!!!!! I was done by 7.45am! I spent $20.00 and bought so many amazing things that I wanted.--I didn't said NEEDED--I said wanted----  Now that is what I call guilt free spending! HHMM 7.45am now what to do with the rest of my day?


AHHHH--SCRAPBOOK!!!!!  SCRAPBOOK!!!!!!SCRAPBOOK!!!!!!----YES SCRAPBOOK!!!!!!


So, I came home- took another shower because yes this is Arkansas and YES at 6.00 am it is HOTTER than a three pecker billy goat--- (OK what does that mean anyway?- my baby daddy use to say that all the time in reference to the heat-- and why I would quote him in the first place is beyond me but today that seemed to be appropriate--go figure--) ---ANYWAY I got into some clean Jammie's-OK really my Scotland t-shirt and Jammie bottoms--set up my table and began to scrap--- and I did until about 12.30am Sunday morning--went to bed --woke up about 9.30am and scrapped some more--- beautiful pages for my sweet Everett James--some for Kirtlynn Ivy and a couple for Kirtlynn Ivy's momma and Daddy --- 27 pages in all-- WOWOWOWO my creative mind exploded-----


About 1.00pm  got dressed went to my girlfriend Kathy's house we went to lunch (Le Huerta's!!!)--went back to her house watched TV talked and laughed and b*&*^$# about the injustices of dealing with certain people----laughed more--and than laughed again---


I am sorry to see this weekend leave me-- thank you sweet weekend for being my friend--thank you sweet weekend for being my doctor and prescribing just what I needed--thank you sweet weekend for not betraying me----


-Love bye

A message from Katherine

This morning I woke to a beautiful text from my angel Katherine Elizabeth... as a mother the words and thoughts your children have for you are so important and carrying such importance and weight... they are the one souls on earth that can lift you up or break your heart into a thousand million pieces....
This message made my day begin with such joy and heartfelt love and warmth....
text reads:

"Mom, you're such an illuminated light in life.  You've lighted the way thru my darkest times.  Like the ship to the lighthouse I'm forever drawn safely to shore following my mother's light.  Thank you for all you do. love Katherine."-

 What a lovely way to wake to begin any day....... I am blessed by her ever loving soul.... blessed she chose me to be her mother..blessed to know that she will always be there for me.. and wants me apart of her life constantly... thank you Katherine mommy loves you..

-Love bye

Closure

Closure-

Is there really ever closure-I mean do you really ever obtain the state of true closure? One of my oldest and dearest friends called me today talking about closure and how do you ever really achieve closure.  The torment-the never ending torment-the just not knowing the why torment---the fact that your pain can go on and on and on and on and on for years torment.
Always escaping you is the one thing that could come to you if you only were able to know why: FREEDOM

non closure like unrequited love is the killer of ones soul-- down to its very core--

There are some really amazingly great quotes about this very subject in one of my favorite movies called The Holiday starring Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz-

 I have quoted Kate Winslet's character Iris before in one of my blogs.

The opening lines of the movie go:

"I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true. Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had. I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind".
Now that is something I know to be true. For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost. But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then, there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert.
Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other.
 But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space!
 Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas', the worst Birthday's, New Years Eve's brought in by tears and Valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I've been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back. Oh god, just the sight of him! Heart pounding! Throat thickening! Absolutely can't swallow! All the usual symptoms."

I know this pain... the pain of unrequited love

dialog Iris to Jasper:
You broke my heart. And you acted like somehow it was my fault, my misunderstanding, and I was too in love with you to ever be mad at you, so I just punished myself! For years! But you waltzing in here on my lovely Christmas holiday, and telling me that you don't want to lose me whilst you're about to get MARRIED, somehow newly entitles me to say, it's over. This - This twisted, toxic THING between us, is finally finished! I'm miraculously done being in love with you! Ha! I've got a life to start living.

But this is my absolute favorite line Iris says
dialog Iris to Miles:
"I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade. "


I'll leave you this thought from an Irish band called Script "When a heart breaks no it don't break even".

-Love bye

Just so you know

Just so you know-
You are amazing to me
Just so you know-
I love you beyond measure................................................................................

Just so you know-
You are my happy thought
Just so you know-
I am proud of you
Just so you know-
You have the power to break my heart
Just so you-
You are truly gorgeous-inside and out.....................................................

Just so you know-
You can be anything your heart desires
Just so you know-
You are strong and wise
Just so you know-
You make me laugh-until it takes away my breathe.............................................

Just so you-
I cannot imagine my world one second without you in it
Just so you know-
I love to watch you sleep-and have since you were a baby.................................

Just so you know-
You are my friend-my best friend
Just so you know-
No one will ever love you as much as me............................................................

Just so you know-
I will be here when ever your heart is broken
Just so you know-
Angela your momma loves you more than you will ever realise...........................

-Love bye

New beginnings-Family Connections

     Today was the beginning of a new life.  My oldest son Matthew had his first child.
I am a grandmother.  I have technically been a grandmother for nine months.  But today marked the beginning of a new life.  Asa Vaughan Ross born June 8, 2010-weighing 9lbs 12oz-22 inches long.

He is gorgeous-and I am not bias-just because I am his grandmother- he is gorgeous- perfect in every way.  His coloring is pink and soft-his hair dark like his momma's- he looks like his daddy-weighs the same nearly as his uncle Austin did at birth- He is a Ross for sure.  His feet and toes are like his great grandpa George Rozier (my daddy).  Of course Mattie and Austin are built like and have the same feet like their grandfather George Rozier as well. 

Life is funny-Life is amazing and Life is strange. Joy comes to us from the simplest of things.  The gift of a child is the gift of a life time.  You never realize how truly insignificant you are in this universe until you hold your child.  At that point you realize that they and they alone become your soul purpose for existing.  No matter how many children you may have, it holds true for each one.  And that is the way it should be.  That is the way any parent should feel and act.  Unconditional love.  There is nothing like it.                                      

                          

Mattie and Juliana my hope and desire is that you will experience all the joys of parenting that any parent can.  Your life together will become selfless and Asa is now the center of it all.  The times to come will bring you great joy-great-happiness-great pain-great heartache-but let your love be unconditional- For there is no greater love than the UNCONDITIONAL LOVE of a parent.

- Love bye

morning freedom

There is something to be said with being up with the chickens (not that I have them in apartment).  The day  is long and so much can be accomplished in the time.  I feel more productive, OK that is a lie, I feel angry sometimes that I have insomnia.  I envy-green eyed monster -type envy people who can sleep. 
What do I do while I am awake at ungodly hours while most people sleep.. well when I am in Scotland ( the time difference is day there- early morning here) I site see and visit friends.  amazingly I sleep like a log when I am over there. HHMMM wonder if there is anything to that?
SIDE THOUGHT- why do people say sleep like a baby-in references to having a good night sleep?  Babies don't sleep all night!! they are up every two hours WHAT THE HECK!!!
What I do hhmm well let's see before the Internet (I can't even) I would watch TV or read. Now its explore the many facets of the world wide web.....and do my university work...

I'd rather being sleeping

-Love Bye

Becareful-it will be here before you know it

     I have discovered that with age not only comes wrinkles and some wisdom it also comes with an abounding amount of  regret. 
    What you planned for your life does not always transpire or unfold the way you ever imagined,  Before you know it you are there-at that point in your life where what seems to be only yesterday is in actuality long gone.  You feel like you're standing outside a revolving door watching ----watching as it rotates round and round---all the while on the other side is the life you thought you had-the one you planned--

Sarah McLachlin-ANGEL

So tired of the straight line
and everywhere I turn
there's vultures and
 thieves at your back

The storm keeps on twisting
keeps on building  the lies
that you make up
for all that you lack

It don't make no differences
escaping one last time
its easier to believe
in this sweet madness
oh this glorious sadness
that brings you to your knees

-Love Bye

I WONT FEAR LOVE

"Peace in the struggle
To find peace
Comfort on the way
To comfort"- Sarah Mclachlin

**********************************************

Just when you thought you were safe.................



Something or someone breaks in
Turning your world
All confused and fragile again.

You want to trust and believe
They are extending their hand
As a true jester of truth and love.

That it's real this time
Not just a jab to
Break your heart into
A thousand million pieces, again.

To rip it from your soul
Only to toss it to
The wayside, as tho
You were nothing, ever to them.

"It's been my experience that many people live their lives thinking they have been RESPECTED only to discover that they were merely FEARED.
And FEAR can be over come." ===Benton Fraser


Sarah McLachlan "Fumbling Toward Ecstasy"

All the fear has left me now

I’m not frightened anymore
It’s my heart that pounds beneath my flesh
It’s my mouth that pushes out this breath

And if I shed a tear I won’t cage it
I won’t fear love
And if I feel a rage I won’t deny it
I won’t fear love

Peace in the struggle
To find peace
Comfort on the way
To comfort

-Love Bye

Cead Mile Failte

    Cead Mile Failte-- translated from Gaelic means a hundred thousand welcomes:

 I am very excited.. I have joy... I love having joy... joy and happiness make life worth living...
I have plans to visit Scotland my homeland (as far as I am concerned).  My girlfriends and I are going this March.  I am busy making the itinerary.  The memories are flooding in like the gentle splashes of the waves on the beach front... the smell of the sea air.. the sounds of the gulls... there is nothing like the smell of Scotland on the islands... the air is misty and within the mist savors all the smells that I love... the sounds that abound you...your eyes are treated to beauty every blink you take... the hues of colors are deep and rich.. I often think it is because it rains so much... I think that is why I like the rain so much... I Love this place... I am truly at peace when I am there... it is like the feeling of safety and comfort you receive when your mommy holds you in her arms...  because it makes colors so rich and vibrant....
 Failte what a lovely word....

The picture above is of Ole Man Storr on the Isle of Skye  a must walk... and for those who are Harry Potter fans much of the out side scenes were filmed on Skye.... and you can see why....

"The rhythm of my heart is beating like a drum with the words I love you rollin off my tongue
never will I roam for I know my place is home
Where the ocean meets the sky I'll be sailin" -Runrig song (most of you know it from Rod Stewart singing it)

-Love Bye