The importance of being Theodore

My older brother is named Theodore, I also have a nephew named for him.
One of the fondest memories I have of my brother Ted is when I was I was about 10
We were in the dining room of our house in New Jersey. 
The song My Cherie Amour by Stevie Wondercame on.
 Ted put me on a chair and we DANCED.
 My brothers are very tall, over 6 feet tall
so you can imagine to a girl of about 10 years old how fanciful it must have been. 
I felt like a princess!
 To this day when ever that song comes on the radio I am transported to that moment in time ( yes another one of those snowglobe moments I am so fond of).  I know that Ted is the same.  I had that moment a few minutes ago when that song came on.  I stopped, was totally still and for a few moments I was safe, a little girl twurling and dancing with her big brother. Thank you Stevie Wonder for giving my brother and I a ~wonder~ to cherish all our lives.
To you my dearest brother- I will always be your petite sœur (little sister) and you will always be my Theodore amour.     So in your own famous words your neices and nephews reflect so fondly upon --
"Put it in your diddy bag and STOW IT!!"

~~ Love Bye

Asa manquant (Missing Asa)

Aujourd'hui, je me manque Asa. (Today I am missing Asa) Belle comment il doit être (How beautiful he must be) Aujourd'hui je me manque Asa et vous demandez comment il croît (Today I am missing Asa and wondering how he is growing.) Sisifo à ressentir la douceur de son visage de bébé et à entendre son coos (Longing to feel the softness of his baby face and hear his coos.) Aujourd'hui, je me manque Asa, dont j'adore cher.( Today I am missing Asa, whom I love dearly.)

Amour grande mère (love grandmama)



~Adieu amour (~love bye)

La Maison d'Oui

My dear sweet sister, whom I miss so very much, is no longer here on earth.  She resides in heaven now.  Of that I am sure of.  Her life was filled with much pain and sorry and I dare say a great amount of regret.  Choices that were made in life that at first seemed for the good but turned out not to be, for her.
  But when you look back on the really important aspects of what you gained from those choices -sometimes- more than likely- you will find there lies some of the best things life can offer. 
For my sister those wonderful things in life that came from her darkened past is her legacy.  A legacy richly flavored by three men-men who once were children- who are now amazing men-and their sons.

I call this picture "All the Queen's Horsemen" A title I thought befitting.  This picture is beautiful in more ways than any of you could ever imagine.  Three brothers and their sons-my sister would be so proud of how her sons followed a great path-a better path than I dare say she could have ever dreamt for them.  They are inspirations to me! 
It made me think about life and what is really important.  I realize the truth in the saying by John Alliston "“The only thing you take with you when you're gone is what you leave behind.”  No truer statement is there.  What we leave behind is our legacy, our children our family.

So dear sweet Nola, my beloved sister- for all your sorrows, for all your trials, for all the joys you had...... you truly have left behind the --- la maison d'Oui

la maison d'Oui (the house of yes)

eternally your sister

Adieu amour    ( ~love bye)

blogs

I, like my friend sweet Hailey (who's blog got me blogging) love to read random blogs.  It is so cool to read about other people and how they live their lives, how they love, what makes them sad or the things they fear.  I find that for most of us we are so similar.  We are all people not different species.  Thank you to all those who blog in this world.--to the side you will see the blogs I have begun to follow---


~Love Bye

Remembering when

Our Angela turned 17 the other day.
I was contemplating the day she was born
I remember the night better. 
There were 13 babies born that time and it seemed
there might not be room in the Inn for anymore. 
I was in the room just next to the
nurses station and across from the nursery. 
I could hear the nurses concern about not having
anymore room. 
The fact that mothers were being put in regular rooms on different floors and the worst
fact that there was no more bassinets to place these sweet angels from heaven. 
As I heard their concerns
I thought since I was awake I might as well get my sweet baby. 
Keep in mind that I was across from the
nursery and could hear all the babies. 
I got up open the door walked across the hall and cast my eyes on
a sea of crying babies.
 An ocean of pink and blue bundles wriggling and crying. 
All but one angel who was smack dab in the middle of the rolling ocean of babies. 
There in her sweet little pink blanket was my Angela---
Sound asleep with her wee hands tucked up under her angelic face.
 I stood there and had to chuckle to myself at the sight I was beholding. 
I asked the nurse if I could have her. 
Her reply was simply this-"Mrs. Ross, she's the only one NOT crying!"
I just gave her a gentle look and she brought Angela to me. 
I placed her on my chest and held her the rest of the night. 
She never did wake up until after 6 am.

 So happy birthday to those other 12 bundles from heaven born during that time.  I hope you have been as much a blessing and joy to your mothers as sweet Angela has been to me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PUMPKINSEED

-love bye

Kirtlynn's daddy

 This is Kirtlynn's daddy

when he was just weeks old. Now he is grown and about to be in the adventure of his life.  He is my second child and my second son.  He is very much like me in so many ways.  He is the kind of person that has no enemies.  Everybody loves TJ, but then he makes it easy to do so.  I use to call him my stealth child, he would just appear and then disappear, always around but sometimes you never noticed.  He was my quiet child, the never got into much trouble child.  Now he is going to be a daddy and have a child of his very own. 

He will make an amazing father I have no doubt of it because he is an amazing man.  His kind gentle soul will bring wisdom in guiding his children.  His sweet loving nature will bring them comfort in knowing of unconditional love.  His strong beliefs will bring them the assurance that everything he does for them he does with deep love and devotion.  Just as he has been an amazing son-an amazing husband-he will be a father of great magnitude.  I am proud- we are all lucky to have him in our lives.

 This dresser is for Kirtlynn Ivy. Her daddy made it just for her.

These are her parents, two amazing people about to embark on the journey of an eternal life time.

Cherish these moments because they speed by past you all too quickly.  You will be holding Kirtlynn one moment

and the very next she will be having her own baby!

-love bye

A visit

One of the best moments in a mom's life is when her "grown up" children (who have left the nest) come home to visit.  I had such a visit the other day from my Austie.  I love to see him interact with his younger two siblings.  Remembering that as the "middle child" he really does have the best seat in the house.  Although neither of my "middle children" think so.  But I say they do.  They have such freedom.  They sit in a wealthy advantage point. Think about it for a second, then you will agree.

But on to my visit.  I think if I had to say one thing that is my favorite about Austie it would have to be his smile.  I mean this kid has the best smile and laugh EVER!  He always has. And funny -SMACK_SNAPFISH_ he is HILARIOUS. It is always so unexpected too for people who don't know him.  He looks intimidating actually because he is so tall and of large stature.  He reminds me of a giant.  I cannot tell you the times  someone will say something to the affect how funny and sharp witted Austin is and how it surprised them.  How much he made them laugh.  He has that one two punch of comedy like his two sisters.  You those comedians on Who's line is it anyway"? You wonder how do they think those things straight off the top of their heads and wonder if its not really rehearsed.  Well I have three children like that and I can assure you it is not rehearsed.  It is a gift.

I love this man... I cannot call him a boy anymore because he is not.  He is a wonderful man... and I am a lucky mommy.. One of the safest places I feel is when he wraps his arms around me an holds me.  I am safe....  I am happy.....

-love bye

my baby

I woke up the other morning
and you lay near me all cuddled in a blanket
looking very much like you did when you were little
I smiled as I watched you sleep
my mind drifted to those moments in time
that I love so much
the ones that I wish I could capture in a
snow globe and place it on a shelf

you have grown so much
you,who are not so much a boy anymore
you who is growing too fast for me
STOP I want to shout out loud
STOP I SAY! THIS VERY INSTANT
where is my "curly Sue" where is my
Harold B Lee? where has my little man gone
once you bent your head very far back to look
up at me and smile
Now I look you eye to eye, nose to nose
My sweet Harold
you are so amazing to me
so smart and loving
so caring and thoughtful about others
I miss you when you are not around
I miss your laugh, I miss the way you
still love to snuggle bunny with your mommy
I love the way you hold my hand when we are driving around
I hope you never loose that son
I am so lucky to have you be my baby
you will always be my baby.... no matter how
grown up you ever get....
I love you Harold

-love bye

Bunny and Turtle

BUNNY and TURTLE

My flight is booked
to come see you
my bags NOT packed
as I have a month to go
but I am ready to leave
ready to see my sweet children
have their own children
OH GLORIOUS moment in time
I am beside myself with rapture
beside myself with excitement
I ponder so often what you will look like
GORGEOUS of course... but to see you both smile!
What character will you have
what amazing adventures you will experience

as you journey this life's road.
My sweet Kirtlynn, My sweet Everett
to hold you and smell the scent of heaven
still so freshly embedded in you skin
how soft soft and gentle you will feel
how tender will your coos and cries sound
how your grandma will cry for joy
my soul will explode like a
fist full of glitter
I love both so deeply, so deeply
so completely
thank you Kirtlynn
thank you Everett
for choosing us to share your lives with

grandma loves you

-love bye

Today

Today my heart is broken.  I woke this morning from a wonderful dream about my grandson Asa.  He was crawling and smiling and giggling that little boyish baby giggle.  The kind that can melt the polar caps right to a puddle!  He was amazing, is amazing I am sure.  But I don't know.  I haven't seen him since the day of his birth.  I tried, but nothing.  I remember holding him at the hospital room, wanting so desperately to let go and love him beyond the universe.  I kept telling my self to keep it close to my chest not to let go.  I knew.  I knew that would probably be the last or at least one of the few times I would be allowed in his life.  I had to distance myself from him.  Distance myself to protect myself from being crushed, once again.  I was right.  He is over a month old now and I haven't seen him since that morning.  I am not going to get into the why's, truth be told I don't know why.  I don't know what is grueling around in his father's head.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  There aren't many who do understand his behavior. well that isn't necessarily true.  We (his family) do know why he is the way he is, even if it doesn't make sense to any of us. I am frankly tired of trying to find out.  I am exhausted. I cannot fix something if I don't know what is broken.  I am sure to himself  (and those in his inner circle) he has convinced himself of some distorted truth of it all that he is right in his behavior toward his mother.  Maybe he is too far into it to truly remember.  But the bottom line is he wont accept the olive branch I have so repeatedly given.  Someday when he is ready I will be waiting.  I have for my children unconditional love, true unconditional love. It never falters or waivers, it is constant and true.  Unfortunately my oldest son never grasped the concept.  Maybe someday he will but the reality of it that all is that maybe he wont.  But I will love him just the same and as deeply as I ever did.  For now I fade to the memories of his youth those I keep in my heart. I only have for him the love of his mother, the one person on this earth that has always truly loved him unconditionally.  Hoping that when he stands in judgement he has a pretty good reason to give.

But today my heart is broken for Asa and me.....for all that we will miss out with each other....and for that my heart aches and is broken...

I love you eternally son....... and I always will... no matter what

-love bye

To Angela

Angela,

   I know you thought that I read your message this morning when I was snuggle bunnying you hard and telling you how much I adore you.  But now you know I had not read your beautifully amazing blog to me.. but rather that is truly how I feel... so that made you feel even more special and loved because it really is the way I feel all the time for no special reason... THANK YOU for that amazing blog to me... I cried and you know I did cause I am a blubber boob... but I wouldn't be any other way.. and yes all those things you said are true...  I do love that way.... and you know I just might be a vicious a** Kola bear did you ever investigate that?


 I love you more .... and more....and more.................. and more every second of the day

love mom--your one and only mom


-love bye

To Mom

Mom,
           If your reading this its probably 3 am in the morning and your awake because your snoring woke you up. LOL. Anyway while im typing this im also watching you look at the scrapbook you made for one of your six kids and remenicing on the past. I just asked you how to spell the word that starts with an R way back there and we both feel retarded. Your sitting on the couch in the pink blouse you bought 3 days ago and your son, the devil child im forced to call my little brother, just jumped on your lap and you pretended it didnt hurt your sore knee when it really did because you dont want to hurt harolds feelings. I realize why you do all little things you do.... Its because you are a mother with a TRUE love for her children. I've analyzed the crap out of you and have come to the conclusion that you've made some mistakes, but hey, who the heck hasnt?, and you know what? Your a really awesome person and im glad i can call you my lil mama. I was also thinkin about all the dumb stuff your kids have done and how you never once judged or questioned them. You just offered your shoulder and ear and unconditional love and devotion. I love you Laura Louis Rozier. With all my heart. Thank you for being "The Shit". :) 


                                                                            Your ONE and ONLY
                                                                       ----Angela Lauren

I hold these things to be self-evident

We celebrate the freedom and birth of our great nation on the 4th.  How grateful we are for all the countless scarfices that have been made for those of us to stand in oblivion of what it takes to keep us this way.  The freedoms we so too often take for granted, the lives lost, fathers gone, brothers and sisters taken away and mothers who weep for their children who have layed  their lives down so that we as a nation as a people can sleep freely.  I am thankful for their courage, for their love, for their undying passion in what they believe to be the truth..."We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." (Declaration of Independence).  I am honored, I am blessed, I am loved.- Thank you

I hold my family tightly and with ever treasure.  In these times of hate and corruption, distruction of our souls our families are unravling before our eyes.  STAND UP OUR INHABITANTS OF THIS EARTH- behold your family- behold your heritage, remember who you are and where you came from.  I count my many blessings and adore my family.  I am the keeper of their love-

-Love bye

there's a silly girl I know

I know of a silly girl
who runs around with
a smile that chases clouds
she looks at me and
I remember why I live
she laughs and I hear
the sounds of a thousand
flutters from fairy wings

i know a silly girl who's
eyes are so bright that the
rainbow hides in shame
i know a silly girl who's heart
is so big that nothing can
contain it.

I love this silly girl
and if you are lucky to
be apart of her circle
you will see why God
created angel's
because she is one of them.

-Love bye

A Beautiful Mind

Did I ever tell you I was born in France.  Well I was.  My father was in the army and our family was stationed there for several years.  We lived in a small village named Virty le Francois, Marne  where I we lived when I was born. My family also lived in the village of  Ste. Amand-sur-Fion, Marne.  I was amazed when having a conversation with my oldest brother that did he not only remember the name of the village but the actual house number and street name. AMAZING what a beautiful mind. Keep in mind that I am now 50 years.  It just blows my mind that ones memory can be so acute as to retain such information for such an extended period of time.
I, have of course no memories of living there.  Only snap shots from a time long gone by accompanied by the stories told and retold about people places and sights.  I have had in the past few months a seemingly burning desire and need to revisit my birth place.  I find myself shamed (those regrets I so often speak about) for not taking a trip there with my son TJ so many years ago when we had the a more opportune time to do so.  The reason I say TJ is he always has loved France.  He looks most like my side of the family, my mothers side, the Constantine's, to be exact.  They are from the Bordeaux region of France ( in the north) while the Rozier's are from the south region. 

As most of you know I always got o Scotland, my love, my Alba.  My fraternal grandmother's ( Mckinnon)people are from a place called Elgol on the isle of Skye.  My maternal grandmother"s people (McChesney) are from County Cork Ireland.

So that makes a half French half Scotch/Irish-- translated   as I always like to say "That makes me a romantic drunk"!

our minds are beautiful our souls exquisite

-Love bye