Bunny and Turtle

BUNNY and TURTLE

My flight is booked
to come see you
my bags NOT packed
as I have a month to go
but I am ready to leave
ready to see my sweet children
have their own children
OH GLORIOUS moment in time
I am beside myself with rapture
beside myself with excitement
I ponder so often what you will look like
GORGEOUS of course... but to see you both smile!
What character will you have
what amazing adventures you will experience

as you journey this life's road.
My sweet Kirtlynn, My sweet Everett
to hold you and smell the scent of heaven
still so freshly embedded in you skin
how soft soft and gentle you will feel
how tender will your coos and cries sound
how your grandma will cry for joy
my soul will explode like a
fist full of glitter
I love both so deeply, so deeply
so completely
thank you Kirtlynn
thank you Everett
for choosing us to share your lives with

grandma loves you

-love bye

Today

Today my heart is broken.  I woke this morning from a wonderful dream about my grandson Asa.  He was crawling and smiling and giggling that little boyish baby giggle.  The kind that can melt the polar caps right to a puddle!  He was amazing, is amazing I am sure.  But I don't know.  I haven't seen him since the day of his birth.  I tried, but nothing.  I remember holding him at the hospital room, wanting so desperately to let go and love him beyond the universe.  I kept telling my self to keep it close to my chest not to let go.  I knew.  I knew that would probably be the last or at least one of the few times I would be allowed in his life.  I had to distance myself from him.  Distance myself to protect myself from being crushed, once again.  I was right.  He is over a month old now and I haven't seen him since that morning.  I am not going to get into the why's, truth be told I don't know why.  I don't know what is grueling around in his father's head.  I cannot wrap my head around it.  There aren't many who do understand his behavior. well that isn't necessarily true.  We (his family) do know why he is the way he is, even if it doesn't make sense to any of us. I am frankly tired of trying to find out.  I am exhausted. I cannot fix something if I don't know what is broken.  I am sure to himself  (and those in his inner circle) he has convinced himself of some distorted truth of it all that he is right in his behavior toward his mother.  Maybe he is too far into it to truly remember.  But the bottom line is he wont accept the olive branch I have so repeatedly given.  Someday when he is ready I will be waiting.  I have for my children unconditional love, true unconditional love. It never falters or waivers, it is constant and true.  Unfortunately my oldest son never grasped the concept.  Maybe someday he will but the reality of it that all is that maybe he wont.  But I will love him just the same and as deeply as I ever did.  For now I fade to the memories of his youth those I keep in my heart. I only have for him the love of his mother, the one person on this earth that has always truly loved him unconditionally.  Hoping that when he stands in judgement he has a pretty good reason to give.

But today my heart is broken for Asa and me.....for all that we will miss out with each other....and for that my heart aches and is broken...

I love you eternally son....... and I always will... no matter what

-love bye

To Angela

Angela,

   I know you thought that I read your message this morning when I was snuggle bunnying you hard and telling you how much I adore you.  But now you know I had not read your beautifully amazing blog to me.. but rather that is truly how I feel... so that made you feel even more special and loved because it really is the way I feel all the time for no special reason... THANK YOU for that amazing blog to me... I cried and you know I did cause I am a blubber boob... but I wouldn't be any other way.. and yes all those things you said are true...  I do love that way.... and you know I just might be a vicious a** Kola bear did you ever investigate that?


 I love you more .... and more....and more.................. and more every second of the day

love mom--your one and only mom


-love bye

To Mom

Mom,
           If your reading this its probably 3 am in the morning and your awake because your snoring woke you up. LOL. Anyway while im typing this im also watching you look at the scrapbook you made for one of your six kids and remenicing on the past. I just asked you how to spell the word that starts with an R way back there and we both feel retarded. Your sitting on the couch in the pink blouse you bought 3 days ago and your son, the devil child im forced to call my little brother, just jumped on your lap and you pretended it didnt hurt your sore knee when it really did because you dont want to hurt harolds feelings. I realize why you do all little things you do.... Its because you are a mother with a TRUE love for her children. I've analyzed the crap out of you and have come to the conclusion that you've made some mistakes, but hey, who the heck hasnt?, and you know what? Your a really awesome person and im glad i can call you my lil mama. I was also thinkin about all the dumb stuff your kids have done and how you never once judged or questioned them. You just offered your shoulder and ear and unconditional love and devotion. I love you Laura Louis Rozier. With all my heart. Thank you for being "The Shit". :) 


                                                                            Your ONE and ONLY
                                                                       ----Angela Lauren

I hold these things to be self-evident

We celebrate the freedom and birth of our great nation on the 4th.  How grateful we are for all the countless scarfices that have been made for those of us to stand in oblivion of what it takes to keep us this way.  The freedoms we so too often take for granted, the lives lost, fathers gone, brothers and sisters taken away and mothers who weep for their children who have layed  their lives down so that we as a nation as a people can sleep freely.  I am thankful for their courage, for their love, for their undying passion in what they believe to be the truth..."We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." (Declaration of Independence).  I am honored, I am blessed, I am loved.- Thank you

I hold my family tightly and with ever treasure.  In these times of hate and corruption, distruction of our souls our families are unravling before our eyes.  STAND UP OUR INHABITANTS OF THIS EARTH- behold your family- behold your heritage, remember who you are and where you came from.  I count my many blessings and adore my family.  I am the keeper of their love-

-Love bye

there's a silly girl I know

I know of a silly girl
who runs around with
a smile that chases clouds
she looks at me and
I remember why I live
she laughs and I hear
the sounds of a thousand
flutters from fairy wings

i know a silly girl who's
eyes are so bright that the
rainbow hides in shame
i know a silly girl who's heart
is so big that nothing can
contain it.

I love this silly girl
and if you are lucky to
be apart of her circle
you will see why God
created angel's
because she is one of them.

-Love bye

A Beautiful Mind

Did I ever tell you I was born in France.  Well I was.  My father was in the army and our family was stationed there for several years.  We lived in a small village named Virty le Francois, Marne  where I we lived when I was born. My family also lived in the village of  Ste. Amand-sur-Fion, Marne.  I was amazed when having a conversation with my oldest brother that did he not only remember the name of the village but the actual house number and street name. AMAZING what a beautiful mind. Keep in mind that I am now 50 years.  It just blows my mind that ones memory can be so acute as to retain such information for such an extended period of time.
I, have of course no memories of living there.  Only snap shots from a time long gone by accompanied by the stories told and retold about people places and sights.  I have had in the past few months a seemingly burning desire and need to revisit my birth place.  I find myself shamed (those regrets I so often speak about) for not taking a trip there with my son TJ so many years ago when we had the a more opportune time to do so.  The reason I say TJ is he always has loved France.  He looks most like my side of the family, my mothers side, the Constantine's, to be exact.  They are from the Bordeaux region of France ( in the north) while the Rozier's are from the south region. 

As most of you know I always got o Scotland, my love, my Alba.  My fraternal grandmother's ( Mckinnon)people are from a place called Elgol on the isle of Skye.  My maternal grandmother"s people (McChesney) are from County Cork Ireland.

So that makes a half French half Scotch/Irish-- translated   as I always like to say "That makes me a romantic drunk"!

our minds are beautiful our souls exquisite

-Love bye